Why Founders Struggle to Show Appreciation

If you want to improve team morale and retention, learning to show genuine appreciation is non-negotiable.

If you’re like most founders, showing appreciation to your team doesn't come easily.

You know, employees don’t quit companies, they quit leaders who don’t value them. Yet something holds you back.

The metrics aren't strong enough. Standards could be higher. They missed the deadline...

So you wait.

But the truth is: if you wait for perfection, you’ll wait forever.

Over the years, I’ve noticed three reasons why founders don’t show appreciation as often or as deeply as they could.

And these are things you need to overcome if you want your team to know you care.

1. Confusing appreciation with recognition.

Most founders don’t realise that appreciation and recognition are different things.

Recognition is about results. It requires you to audit and acknowledge progress towards the goal.

• “Good job on the launch.”
• “You smashed your target.”

Appreciation is different... It’s about people.

It requires you to say: “I value who you are, not just what you do.”

A question that draws out your appreciation is:

What would you miss if this person were gone?

And if your answer is “nothing”, well, that’s a different conversation.

2. Focusing on the gap, not the gain. 

As founders, we live in the future. We see the present and focus on what needs to improve.

In The Gap and the Gain, Dan Sullivan and Dr. Ben Hardy describe how focusing on the gap creates anxiety, which leads to a sense of urgency.

However, it also blinds you to any progress you've already made. It becomes invisible to you.

And the same goes for your team's progress. Instead of recognising and appreciating the team, we can fixate on where we want them to be.

To shift the mindset from the gap to the gain, focus on three questions:

• What has the team achieved?
• What has the team figured out?
• What are you grateful for?

In a startup, all progress is hard-won, and all wins must be celebrated.

Just showing up and carrying on when the world is punching you in the face warrants appreciation.

3. Failing to put in the effort.

Showing your team that you care requires effort—and that’s partly the point.

In The Five Appreciation Languages, Gary Chapman and Paul White describe five different ways leaders can show their teams that they care.

It’s the workplace sequel of their previous relationship blockbuster, The Five Love Languages.

The techniques are simple but not straightforward, and each of them requires some creativity to get right:

• Quality time requires meaningful time spent 1-on-1. However, as a time-poor founder, this can mean yet another drain on your calendar and less time with your family.
• Acts of service are about helping with something on their to-do list. But this has the potential to undermine accountability, and instead of showing you care, it gets you back into the details.
• Physical touch involves human contact. When your team is international or working remotely, this becomes challenging, not to mention the risk of misinterpretation as an authority figure.
• Words of affirmation are when you declare your appreciation out-loud or in writing. Many founders worry this will signal "good enough" and lead to complacency.
• Gifts mean buying or making something thoughtful. But if you're like me, you hate shopping... (Ok, maybe this is just me, but it makes it harder!)

With all this nuance, showing appreciation takes effort and creativity.

And when we’re tired, under pressure, or mentally full, we can default to doing nothing.

A Cheat Sheet for Busy Founders

Recently, I put together a one-page cheat sheet with practical, founder-friendly ideas to show teams you care—even if you’re low on time or feeling awkward about it.

If you want to show your team you care, and you'd like a copy, get in touch via the website and I’ll send it over.

But even if you don't, I hope you take this opportunity to appreciate your team. It’s what good leaders do.

Continue learning about building employee morale

• Want to make celebration a habit? Learn how to celebrate the small wins in a startup.
• Got high standards? Learn how to deliver praise without lowering them.
• Want to run a great offsite? Learn my tried and tested formula for creating team events that boost trust.

Originally published on July 2, 2025.